Having a baby puts your life upside down.

The baby is always the priority and the centre of attention.

It becomes so difficult to find the energy and time for a deep talk or intimacy. When you do, you are still alert – was that the baby? Did I hear him cry?

As a mama, you abandon yourself completely.

While trying to survive, you abandon yourself as a woman, as a professional and as a wife.

The stress and sleep deprivation make you grumpy and ratty.

The jolly, supportive, loving and caring wife you once were seems to be gone.

The relationship suffers, and it is really hard for both mamas and papas to adjust to the new life.

Because you both have to grieve the old relationship, the ‘just the two of us’.

BUT you have gained something much larger and way more meaningful, now you are a family.

I miss going for a long walk with hubby while having a deep conversation about how to fix the world.

I miss wrapping up under a blanket so we could watch a nonsense movie every now and then, just to be together doing nothing.

I miss dressing up and going out for dinner, travelling, dancing, all the fun things we used to do.

But I remember going for a walk all together one day and as the little one was running around, playing with some sticks and stones, looking at us so happy and curious, I said: ” Isn’t he the best thing we have ever done?”

He truly is the best thing we have ever done. He made us a family.

We have swapped hiking in cool places all around Devon and Cornwall for local walks where we have to stop every time he finds a new stick (every 30 seconds I reckon?)

We have swapped going out for dinner for family barbeques in the garden.

Deep conversations and intimacy can only happen when the little one goes to bed, so we treasure every ‘just-the-two-of-us’ moment.

Our relationship is very different now.

But we have overcome so many new challenges together.

We have healed and grown stronger together.

We are getting to know each other in a different role, me as a mama, him as a papa.

Watching our little one grow so healthy and happy lights up our hearts.

In having a family, I have found much more meaning and fulfillment that I could have ever done in my career or any spiritual practice.

Mama, I know your relationship is under a lot of stress right now and you are probably arguing more than ever.

Your relationship will never be the same again.

But if you are patient and embrace the change, it will evolve into something much more meaningful and fulfilling that you could have ever imagined.

Take some time to grieve the old relationship. Do some journaling to put your thoughts together and process your emotions.

This is a huge transition and it will take time to digest it, and that is OK!

Check out this article packed with stress management and emotional well-being tools if you are struggling with this.

You can also download my free e-book, What Mama Needs To Heal, here.

P.S.: Single mamas, you fall under a special category of superheroins. I really don’t know how you’re doing this on your own, so if papa is not around, I hope you’re being supported by other loved ones. If not, please do ask for help!

 

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