All said with good intentions, but…..

1. “YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY”

Yes, motherhood is a blessing, and there is nothing that can bring more joy to a mama than seeing the little one growing happy and healthy.

But especially while recovering from birth, mamas can experience mood swings, postpartum depression, intense emotions due to the big responsibility they have in their hands, the sleep deprivation and grieving the old lifestyle.

So instead of assuming mama is happy after having a baby, ask how she is feeling.

2. “ENJOY EVERY MOMENT, TIME FLIES”

I totally support the idea of enjoying the beauty of the here and now and being present, thinking less about the past and worrying less about the future.

However, every mama knows that not every moment of motherhood is enjoyable.

Not to mention that some days can feel really long!

I remember some winter days, stuck at home all day except for a walk if weather allowed…Trying to keep the little one entertained with yet another toy/book/song/change of room… Days felt like years! lol

Those long and dark afternoons definitely didn’t “fly by” for me.

So instead, let mama know that you are here for her in the good AND in the bad moments.

3. “I WANT TO SEE THE BABY MORE OFTEN”

Dear mamas, mamas in law, sisters, friends and other loved ones: We know you want to see the baby.

Because for you, a visit means that you come for a while or stay for a few days, play with the baby, hold them when they are in a good mood and then leave and go to your place to enjoy your peace.

But for mama, your visit means that she needs to make the effort to get changed and look presentable, when maybe she hasn’t been able to wash her hair for days.

It means having to clean the house so she doesn’t feel embarrassed.

It means skipping that nap that she desperately needs.

So instead of demanding seeing the baby more, ask her “How can I help you?”

4. ANYTHING STARTING WITH “YOU SHOULDN’T”

No, no and no.

“You shouldn’t cosleep, it’s dangerous”

“You shouldn’t feed him to sleep, it’s a bad habit”

“You shouldn’t hold him so much, he will get used to it”

Every baby is different. Every mama is different.

What worked for you, or what you might have read on social media, might not work for the mama you’re trying to give advice to.

Unsolicited advice and criticism is the last thing that mama needs to hear.

This is especially true for first time mums, as they are trying to learn everything and get things rights, very likely feeling they’re doing everything wrong.

So instead, ask mama first if they want to hear your opinion – “would you like to know what worked for me?”

5. “SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS”

Again, I see the good intention behind this one.

If the baby, espeically newborns, sometimes sleep around 12-14 hours a day or more, it’s easy to think that mama can sleep during all that time…

But what if your cyrcadian rhythm is not used to falling asleep at random times during the day?

What if you are so wired while the baby is awake that when he falls asleep you are still full on and find it impossible to relax?

What if bubba only sleeps on you and your arm goes numb before you can even think about making yourself comfortable?

What if the baby wakes you up as soon as you fall asleep because he needs the boob to go back to sleep?

And the nights…..shall we tell them, mama? Lol

Instead, encourage mama to try whatever she needs to rest and support her as much as you can.

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